Chapter 1 continues with STRIKE 2
Well needless to say after my bath I laid down for just a minute and instead fell asleep.
Nest morning, I was woken by the ringing of my cell phone. I opened my eyes and the bright morning sunshine coming in through the cracks of my blue curtains greeted me.
At first, I was confused. I felt that something dramatic had happened the day before but couldn’t remember what it was.
Then the bathroom scene flashed before me. Oh yes, Roger and the sea witch tramp. The memory of them on the floor attacked my brain like a cat jumping on your shoulder off a tall dresser. I fought it off and shooed it away.
Meanwhile, the elevator style Beethoven’s, Fur Elise, ring tone persisted and I stumbled toward the master bath to fish it out of my purse.
Roger.
Without thinking, I pushed the red off button. There really was nothing he had to say that I had any interest in hearing. I mean, he had probably met this woman some time ago, had thought about her, sexually, often…maybe even while him and I were together…then made his advances…after he had waited for and found the right opportunity. Or perhaps she made her first move. Either way, did I really need to hear him reminisce on all this out loud to me?
They are no longer going behind my back so officially their affair is no longer an affair; unless she’s cheating on someone as well.
What kind of people are these?
The phone stopped ringing and habitually I checked the call history.
I must have been dead to the world when I fell asleep at around ten last night because it showed that Roger has been calling all night since about ten thirty.
I had caught him with his mistress about one thirty pm. Hmmmm, I wonder what he was doing for almost nine hours before calling me. Perhaps they went at it after I had left…were somehow even more turned on by being caught? Or maybe they fought and he broke it off. Maybe they were in love and were happy they could now be together, forever. I visualized them in a meadow, skipping off into the sunset.
Desirei, Dee, had called as well, probably wanting me to come out as she did every Friday.
I dialed my cell phone number from my landline and punched in my code to hear my messages. My mailbox was full. With a feeling of dread, I started the process of going through them.
3:09 PM, Dee called. “Oh, my god! I met the hottest guy today, Jay. Like six-foot tall, blond hair, blue eyes, gorgeous lips and a smile to die for. Great butt.” Dee giggled and I sighed. “Met him at lunch at the coffee place we go to downtown. It was one those Hollywood moments…I actually spilled my coffee on him, can you believe it. Haha. He wants to take me to dinner. Like a real date, no clubbin’! He’s ai classey man! Hey, answer your phone, k. I know you’re off early and this is the third time I called and no answer at Roger’s either. Love ya.”
This was pretty much a typical message from Dee.
I remember when I used to get excited for her whenever she met someone she hyped about. But after knowing her for about five years I knew this man would be lucky if he kept her entertained for maybe a month - if he’s real good.
10:38 PM. After a long time of breathing and sighing, Roger’s quiet, repentant voice came through the speakerphone. “Oh god, what…have I done.” Long pause. “Jay, love…I am sooo sorry. Please pick up next time I call.”
Erase. Next message.
10:42 PM Roger again: “I know you don’t want to talk to me…but at least you can hear me out. Please pick up.”
Erase. Next message.
10:48 PM “It was…an impulse. I...I shouldn’t have given in. Jay, it meant nothing. Please, I want to marry you. Spend my life with you...” Long pause and heavy, breathing. “The…the way you walked out…laughing…it was like you were never coming back. Please pick up so I can hear your voice. Please don’t give up on me. I swear it was the first and only time. You have to give me another chance. Please. You have to believe me. Jay? Where are you?” He started to cry before he hung up quietly.
My stomach was turning. A weird sensation came over me. What was it? I thought about it. Oh dear god, it was pity!
I skipped over to the next message and my mother’s voice came through.
10:56 PM. “Sweetie, I hope you just fell asleep after your bath. You sounded sleepy at the end. I was just thinking about your situation during my class earlier and now I just can’t sleep.” There was a pause and then her tone got serious. “He will try to get you back tonight, honey. But don’t you give in to him. He will undoubtedly beg and sound convincing. Even if he is really sorry you must not forgive him. Not just yet, anyways. He can wait to be forgiven. Please, be strong. Remember, life will go on and you’ll feel better soon, I promise.” She paused. “I love you. See you tomorrow. I’ll pick you up around five.” She blew a kiss into the receiver.
A picture of Michelangelo’s angels touching fingers came to my mind. I really felt like she had reached out to me and saved me with her touch.
“You’re right, mom. Thanks for saving me from my weak, woman self,” I said out loud. I really had almost called Roger to comfort him.
I saved this message.
Next message.
11:02 PM. “Jay, my love, please don’t ignore me. The worst thing we can do now is not talk about it.” Roger’s hauntingly sad voice turned into long breaths and more weeps. It took a few moments for him to compose himself. “Oh my god,…god, what have I done? What have I done to us? I don’t want to lose you. Please…please, Jay.” Long pause. “Alright, I’ll call back in a bit and hope you pick up. You know, I want to come over but don’t want to…to have things get out of hand and…cause a scene. So, please, pick up and yell at me over the phone if you must. Please. Jay. I’ll take anything from you but this.”
I wondered if he had been drinking and forced myself to push 2 to erase. Next message.
11:24 PM. Long sighs before Roger’s voice came through again. “I just want you to know, that nothing happened. There was no…penetration…and I’ll never see her again privately, of course. She’s at the company from an out of town department here on a short assignment. She came over with rye to congratulate me on that promotion I was hoping for, which I got. I never could tell you about that, but that seems so unimportant now, anyway. I didn’t think much of it and only had one glass. Oh god, I’m so stupid, you know. She just wouldn’t leave even I gave her the hints that it was time to wrap it up. I…I think she put something in my drink. Maybe Viagra or something, I don’t know. And…then she walked in on me when I went to pee. She came in the bathroom and…and, well attacked me. Started taking off my clothes and touching me....” Long pause intermitted by long sighs. “You probably don’t believe any of this and I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for anything. You have always made me so happy, Jay. I hope I did that for you too. Please don’t forget all that we’ve been through. I’d never cheat on you soberly.” He started to cry openly. “I’ll…I’ll call you back. Please pick up.”
I was sure my eyes were bulging just like the eyes of a Boston Terrier because I felt like someone had put a noose around my neck and tightened it ever so hard. What was I supposed to think now?
Is there even such a thing as man rape? By a woman, I mean.
I was so confused. My thoughts raced. I wished I had not erased his other messages so that I wouldn’t have to try to remember what he had said in them. It seemed so impossible to remember now.
Reluctantly, I skipped over this message.
Next message.
11:37 PM. “Honey, your mother again. I just can’t sleep, you know. I keep on worrying about you but my mother instincts tell me that you’re alright, that you had your bath and then fell asleep. You sounded so wiped out. But I do worry that Roger came over and seduced you into forgiving him.” Pause. “Hmmpf, I really hope you’re not with him now…. If he didn’t come over he will most certainly call. Don’t pick up. You need to think about what you’re going to say and then stick to it.” Pause again. “You know, he will undoubtedly try to put the blame on the woman - she started it and he didn’t want to take part or something of that nature. He might even say that nothing really happened and you’re overreacting. Anyway, that’s what I think he might do. Honey, I know it in my heart that you will get over him and the man of your dreams is waiting for just the right moment in your life. Anyway, I’m your mother and I love you and that’s what I think and now I can sleep. Call me first thing, okay. Good night, honey.”
This was unbelievable: a message from the past that would come to my rescue in the future at just the right moment. My mother again…reaching down to my fallen self…touching fingers…feeling renewed. My jumbled brain refocused: Roger did bad thing.
Those were all the messages that fit in my mailbox. I was relieved as I did not need to hear any more of Roger’s sad voice.
I hung up the phone and since I was still holding my cell I plugged it in.
I checked the time on it. It was 9:03 AM, April 2st, 2005.
That means, that I caught Roger with his mistress on April Fool’s Day!
I was overcome with giggles at the irony.
I jumped in the shower and as I washed and shaved I continued to giggle.
Did Roger realize that he tried to fool me that he was not having an affair on April Fool’s Day?
By the time I got out of the shower I felt my sprits had lifted dramatically. Laughter really must be medicinal.
Where did I hear that saying, ‘a fool is as fool does’? Well, I had not done anything foolish yet. I hadn’t called him. And it does not count just how close I came.
After I dressed and did my hair and make-up I made my bed. I laid down on top of the blanket and reached over for the phone on my nightstand. Looking at it, I wondered why no one tried to call me on it. I flipped it on the side and saw that my suspicion was correct - it had been off. That happens often with this old phone. I really should get a new one that does not have the off button where the thumb reaches it every time I move the small base. But this was my very first phone I bought myself with my first job money when I was 14. It was pink and on a long cord and had just so many hours of talk memories in it.
The phone rang just as I was about to dial.
“Hello,” I said, realizing too late that that could have been Roger. I closed my eyes and symbolically made a fist with which I gently banged myself on the head.
“Jay,” a small, sniveling voice on the other line wept.
My eyes flew open.
“Oh my god, Dee, what’s wrong?” My heart started to race and I began to shake uncontrollably as a terrible feeling washed over me. I sat up.
“Jay, I’m…I’m in the hospital,” she cried.
“Dear god, why? What happened?”
It took a while before she was able to answer. “He…he was nice at first, you know…I…I…” she broke into renewed cries.
“He hurt you? That man you talked about on the message?”
“Yes,” she managed softly in between sobs.
“Oh my god. Oh my god…oh my god. I’ll be right there, Dee. I’ll be right there. Everything will be okay. I’m going to hang up now and then I’ll be there in ten minutes. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” I started to cry too.
“Ok, please,” she said in a small voice.
In a flash I was up. I grabbed my cell and my purse. At my door I put on my spring jacket. Just as I was done zipping up my leather ankle shoes I thought I heard a light knock.
I grabbed the keys off the hook on the wall and then opened the door to stare into Roger’s eyes.
I just stood there, staring up into his red, swollen eyes.
“I um, didn’t want to use the key to your apartment.” He finally said. He looked disheveled, like he hadn’t slept all night.
I was in shock at seeing him at this moment and stood frozen in my doorway. I could not think of a thing to say to him.
He waited a few moments. “Can we talk?” he then asked very gently.
But I remembered Dee and a sense of urgency overshadowed this whole Roger thing. I pushed past him and turned to lock my door.
He stared at me until I turned and stared back at him. I still didn’t know what to say or do. Then, suddenly, I heard myself ask him: “Roger, can I have my key, please?”
“Wha-?” His eyes darted about my face, then lingered on my teary eyes whence his own teared up.
“Come on, Roger. I have to be…somewhere. Just give me the key back now.”
“Jay, please, don’t be so rash. I mean…it’s not that over yet.”
I looked straight at him and stuck out my palm. Even though he looked like he’s been through hell he still looked dam good, I admitted to myself. His short black hair went in all directions. He still had that perfect nose. His face was pink and puffy, but he still looked kissable. Yet he had lost his appeal to me. All I saw was some other man who looked like Roger, all wrapped up with another woman, having a gay, good ol’ time, being “raped” by her.
I sighed. Dee needed me. “Come on, Roger. I can always give it back to you if…” He looked like a cornered kitten; no that’d be me. I’m the cat and now he’s the cornered mouse. I never want it the other way again.
It occurred to me that he may have believed that if ever I did find out that I’d be one of those gullible women who broke down and just hoped she won him over the other woman. I supposed I did feel that way, wanted him to comfort me, but even so, I didn’t think I could ever stand him touching me again.
I looked at my watch feeling like every minute lost, even to this, was somehow hurtful to Dee.
“Alright, if this is what you need, Jay,” he finally said, sounding like he had come to some sort of resolve within himself. He thumbed for his keys and began taking my apartment key off the ring. His hands shook. “If this is what you need right now then that’s what I’ll give you. I’m just happy you’re talking to me. Small steps back. That’s how we’ll go for now ”
He passed the key to me and I slipped it in my jean pocket.
“Thank you Roger. Good bye.” I said and started to walk away.
“Well, wait, Jaynnie. Where are you going? I thought we could go for breakfast or something.”
I didn’t even turn around. “I told you, Roger. I have to be somewhere.” I said as I sped down the stairs and out of the building.
“Wait! Jay, can’t we just –“ I heard him call out before the words faded away.
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